When you are lost in love.......

What do you do to pull yourself out? In so deep that you can't climb or dig yourself up out of the grave of despair. You claim this is where you want to be, or at least you convince yourself that it is right. But you know deep down in your heart that it is toxic and now you are tainted, and somewhat undesirable. Undesirable to the next one....the one that may reciprocate the same wonderment about what love really is. The one that would get lost with you and won't want to escape. The rapture of the two of you experiencing this "surrender-free" kind of love. So how lost do you have to be in order to be able to release yourself from the bondage of heartache........Just wanted to know.

Friends?

Why are friendships so hard to maintain? Give you a headache and a ulcer all at the same time? I sit thinking about a friendship that means the world to me, but sometimes being in this "relationship" makes my ass itch! I love her so much, but I don't understand her logic about how she thinks my availability is suppose to be for her. Like, why does she feel I can drop what I'm doing for my family and run and do for hers. Now, this is mainly my fault, because I have allowed this to happen on numerous occasions. I love her dearly, but sometimes I feel like we are dating and I'm not even getting fucked! Is this considered a normal friendship or am I just exception? I think my biggest problem with friends is that I don't know how to say "No". I also have a bad problem or guilt with hurting some one's feelings. But in the long run my feelings don't even get considered and I' the one who ends up hurt ( go figure?).

So I ask God for guidance and direction to handle my friends better. I ask others for advice and they tell me I don't need friends, because it's too much trouble. I find it hard to except that advice, because I love the companionship of friends and I hate to be alone. So it seems like I need some professional help to analyze my brain and get it together!

Well I've kind of secluded myself from close relationship for about a month to get myself together. I will continue to pray and hope things will get better for me and my friends.